A man and woman had been…

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
Jokes, +1:
Johnny wanted to get his mom something nice for Christmas but she’s hard to shop for. Passing a pet store he thought, "Hmm, a pet might be a good idea." He walked in the pet store and asked the manager what might be a good idea. "How about a puppy?" "No," said Johnny. "It may poop around the house." "A fish?" "No, her house is small, so I don’t think an aquarium will fit." Johnny then spied a parrot and asked, "How about that parrot?" "Oh," said the manager, "That’s Chet. He’s very expensive." "Well," said Johnny, "It’s my mom let’s take a look." The manager went to Chet, put a lighter under his left wing, and Chet started to sing "Jingle bells, jingle bells..." Then the manager put a lighter under Chet’s right wig and it started to sing, "Dashing through the snow..." "Wow!" said Johnny, "What else does he sing?" The manager held the lighter under Chet’s crotch at which point Chet sang, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire."